Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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