New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
