I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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