How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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