Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
there is puke in my bra ... again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
