i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
