All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
