Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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