Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
