Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
