My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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