I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
