I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
