She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
