The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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