You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
