I puked a lego.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
