these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
