32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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