he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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