I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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