we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
