is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
