Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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