high people should be assigned attendants
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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