I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
