so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I smell like Dick and happiness
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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