dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
