a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
