then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
