I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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