Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
honey bunches of taint.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
