I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
