i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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