Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
