What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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