Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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