Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
