I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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