I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
