I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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