I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
