Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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