Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
