Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
