The best revenge is premature balding
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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