Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
