my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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