Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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