So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
