: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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