life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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